my oot parody
by jrejinald
Summary: Join Link, Navi and the Narator on a epic quest to save Hyrule... probably. By the time this story is over the forth wall will have been knocked down and walked over so many times that it is just a fine powder. This is my first story. R
1. the first stalker

My Zelda parody

This is my first fanfic. Please tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

I own nothing. Nintendo owns all.

**Chapter 1. The first stalker.**

"Navi come here." Navi flew to the Great Deku tree.

"Great Deku tree why aren't you speaking in that weird sort of way?"

"Because I haven't got time, I'm dying."

"Oh"

"You must go and follow Link, the boy without a fairy for the rest of you life."

"But I already-"

"No buts just bring him here. Quickly."

"Fine" Navi mumbled as she flew away. Navi flew to the Links house, stopping to talk with every Kokiri she met on the way. (Which happened to be every Kokiri outside, she made sure of that.) Half an hour later Navi reached Links house and flew in. Link was asleep so Navi yelled at him to get up, one hour of yelling later he got up. "Why did you wake me?"

"The Great Deku tree told me I must stalk you for the rest of your life."

"Wait weren't you stalking Simon?"

"Yes but now I must stalk you. It doesn't mean we can't be friends though."

"Riiiiight."

"Anyway the Deku tree wants to talk to you before he dies."

"He's dying?"

"Apparently." Said Navi shrugging, but because she is so small and always covered in a glow she didn't appear to do anything.

"Let's go see him then." They walked to the entrance to the corridor that leads to the Deku tree only to be stopped by Mido. "Stop!"

"Do we have a choice?" Navi asked.

"Look, it's a bit urgent." Link said.

"So is my need to go to the toilet. Look if you can show me a sword I will let you through."

Navi sighed. "Okay Link let's go." They set off to find a sword. "I bet it's through the tunnel up there." Link said.

"How do you know that?" Navi asked.

"My mobile has free Internet access and I read the Walkthrough."

"What's a mobile?"

"I don't know, but I have one in my pocket see?" Link said reaching into his pocket, but there was nothing there. (Insert scary music here.) Anyway they crawled through the hole and saw a whole bunch of corridors with giant unpeeled oranges rolling through them. "Wait, what?" Navi said.

_Hi I'm the narrator_

"And why are there unpeeled oranges rolling around?"

_It was originally giant boulders, but oranges are softer so I used my narrator magic and made them oranges. Now you won't get hurt if you hit one!_

"Fair enough, thank you invisible person."

_That's okay Navi._

Link and Navi made their way through the maze and got the sword, which Link promptly held up above his head for no apparent reason. "What are you doing Link?"

"I have no idea."

_Hey don't look at me, I only read the script._

"And turn boulders into giant oranges."

_Yes Navi that t- Link please don't use the sword as a back-scratcher._

Link sighed, "Fine." The pair ran back to entrance to the Deku tree corridor and this time were stopped by Simon.

"Simon?" Navi said shocked.

"Navi?" Simon said equally shocked.

"Where's Mido?"

"He's at the toilet."

"Ah."

"Well Mido said we could go through if we had a sword. Here's the sword, let us through." said Link wanting to see the Great Deku tree.

"Well I'm here now and since you left me Navi I'm going to make you go get a shield."

"Wait, you liked getting stalked by me?"

"Yes" said Simon blushing

"That's creepy. I'm glad I'm following Link now."

"I'm get tired of this talking thing, I want to see the Deku tree." Link said and he hit Simon over the head with a Deku stick. Simon then collapsed.

"Let's leave him." Navi said.

They walked up to the Great Deku tree. "Well someone took their sweet time."

"That's because Mido made us go get a sword first and that took ages." Navi said quickly before Link could say anything.

The Deku tree sighed. "I never liked him. Anyway, because you took so long I'm going to die even if you go inside my mouth and beat the creature in there, so I'm just going to give you the Slingshot and Kokiri emerald."

"Thanks." Navi said

"I'm also meant to give you some history but I don't want to die of boredom so basically there is a evil dude who wants that stone. You can leave me to die now." the Great Deku tree suddenly changed color. "I think he's dead." Navi said, stating the obvious. Link burst into tears and ran up to hug one of the trees roots. "Noooooooooooo. Deku tree don't leave me. You were like a father to me."

"Link that was the first time you ever saw the guy." Navi said bluntly.

Sobbing Link said, "I know, but I feel we made a connection you know." Navi sighed and flew off. "Come on Link. We need some fresh air." When they were leaving they saw Simon hadn't got up and didn't appear to be breathing. "We saw nothing." Navi whispered. Link nodded in agreement.

**Chapter 1 end.**

What did you think? Was it good? Was it bad? Please review. Once again, I like constructive criticism.


	2. another stalker

This is chapter two or is it chapter 2? Doesn't matter, read and review or read and don't review. It's your choice.

**Chapter 2. Another stalker**

As the pair ran out across the bridge that led to the outside world a voice stopped them. "You're leaving aren't you?" Link turned around to see Saria. "Where did she come from?" Link asked Navi in a whisper.

"I don't know maybe she's a witch?"

"No Koume and Kotake are the only witches in this game." Link mumbled.

"Who are you talking about?" Navi asked Link.

"I have no idea." they looked at me.

_Hey I'm not telling, it's says in my contract that I'm not allowed to reveal spoilers. You'll find out later anyway._

"Alright. Maybe she's a great fairy." Navi continued.

Link shivered, "no way, have you seen the great fairies? They are UGLY."

"You two do know I can hear you right?" Saria commented.

"Look Saria, we can't figure it out, how did you appear like that?" Navi asked.

"I have no idea, one second I was day dreaming in my room about stuff I'm not allowed to mention and the next second, *poof* I was here."

"Weird." Navi said.

"I know."

_Stop looking at me; I don't know how this thing works._

"What's with the talking sky?" Saria asked.

"That's the narrator." Navi explained.

_Hi_

"Hi." while this was happening Link got bored and started chasing a butterfly, as he was chasing it he bumped into Saria. "Sorry about that." Link apologized.

"That's okay." Saria said brushing some invisible dust off her clothes.

"Hey what's this?" Navi asked hovering over the thing Saria dropped.

"Don't touch that, it's _my_ ocarina. Go find your own." Saria hissed sounding very evil.

"Ah! She's the evil the Deku tree talked about, kill her!" Link exclaimed, reaching for his sword.

_EVERYBODY STOP!!! _Everyone froze.

_That's better. Link she's not evil, just temperamental, anyway the Deku tree said dude, which generally means a man._

"There's a difference between tempera- whatever and evil?"

_Yes Link. Saria, I hate to break it to you but it says in the script that you give your ocarina to Link._

"Nobody touches my precious." Saria said hunching over to pick up her ocarina. She then stroked it like a pet.

_Link you are not allowed to hit Saria with anything._

"Aww man." Link threw a Deku nut. When I got my sight back, (hey look, narrators are affected by Deku nuts as well.) Link and Navi were gone and Saria was holding a rock. I then ran for it.

_Hey guys wait up!!!_

When I found the duo they hadn't got far because they had fallen asleep. There was also a talkative owl saying something about sub screens or something. _Go away, we don't want you here! You are so boring that these two fell asleep!_

"But I'm important!"

_Yes, but no one listens to you._

"Fine but you will meet me again." the owl flew off.

"Did we miss anything?" said Link yawning.

_Doubt it_

"Cool. Let's go." Navi said.

"Where? I think the owl told us where to go." Link said.

"Now that you are no longer a Deku scrub you should go see the great fairy again!" Navi exclaimed.

_Wait that's the wrong script._

In a land far away: "What now Tatl?"

"Now we need to go see Princess Zelda! Who's princess Zelda?" tatl said, very confused.

If I may take that script.

"I thought it was the wrong one. Wait, who are you."

_You don't need to know who I am. Anyway thanks, here is yours._

"Thanks."

Back in Hyrule: _I got the script._

"Now we need to go see Princess Zelda!" Navi exclaimed.

"How do you know these things?"

"My script has a 'if lost or just to be annoying say this' bit."

"Ah." The duo ran (or in Navi's case floated) down the path, when they reached the top of the hill they saw a ranch, a small village and a huge castle. "Let's go to the village!" Link said.

"Uh, I think we're meant to go to the castle."

"But I wanna go to the village." Link whined, and with that he ran off. _I guess we should go follow him._ Navi nodded, and we went off to find Link. When we found him he was standing on the bridge petrified. "What's wrong Link?" Navi asked. Link pointed to the top of the tree. Navi looked up and froze there was the owl. He cleared his throat "now that you're all here I can start. Hey, Link! Wait a second, friend! Beyond this point you'll find Kakariko Village. Have you seen-"

_Oh no you don't, I have two things to say: one, Link is not your friend and two; if you appear one more time you will be considered a stalker. Now shoo._

"But I'm the great-"

_We don't care if you are an angel; you are very annoying and boring. Now SHOO!!!_

"Shucks" and with that the owl flew off. Navi was first to recover. "By the way, do you have a name?" she asked me.

_Yes, I am Jrejinald Afonzo Fredrico the second, but you can call me Fred._

Navi rolled her eyes "Come on Link." She said dragging Link by his ear to the castle, "and don't go looking for side quests."

(Intermission music)

Link ran across the drawbridge and into castle town and everyone started chasing him. "Fred, why is everyone chasing me?"

_Preparation._

"For what?"

_That's a spoiler._

"Okay." Link continued to run around the fountain. Eventually Navi got tired and stopped to catch her breath, but all she got was the elderly breath that had forgotten to run away. "Wait, they're not chasing me." Navi said looking up.

_Nope, just Link. I suggest you remember that. _We watched Link for half an hour and I lost a bet that he would be caught by then. Then we went and drank some milk at the ranch and went horse riding afterwards. (Note: if you plan on doing this, have the drinks after.) We wandered through Hyrule field, and when it got dark we had a campfire and we told ghost stories. Navi told this really scary one about a hexing mask that made the moon fall. The next morning we remembered Link and when we entered castle town he was still running around the fountain in circles. _Not to bright is he. _I commented to Navi.

"He has his moments." she said indifferently. She then proceeded to get a piece of 2x4 and hit Link over the head with it. When he was out of harm's way, she **(segment blocked)**. _NEVER again will I look at foil in the same way._

"Be thankful it was foil I used."

"What happened?" asked Link who only just woke up.

_Well, it involved a can opener, foil and pressurized water._

"Navi, did you scar the poor narrator for life?"

"It only took three minutes, a new record I think."

_Guys I think Zelda's getting impatient._

"Navi, I think Fred's getting impatient."

"Okay let's go" Navi said. They ran through the exit, and ran back in because it was the one to Hyrule field. After taking several wrong exits they finally got the right one. When they ran out and looked around they stopped stared and went into fetal position. "Hey, Link! This way! The princess is inside the castle just ahead. Be careful not to get caught by the guards! Ho ho ho hoot!"

_That's it; you are a fully-fledged stalker!_

"Yes but you need me!"

_Almost all gamers think otherwise._

"Yes bu-"

_No buts, I'd have a restraining order if they were real in this game._

"Fine." The owl flew off. Navi was first to recover again. "Is he gone for good?"

_I don't think so._

"Make the scary bird go away." Link whimpered

"It's okay Link, he won't hurt you."

"Good. Now, to Kakariko!" Link declared. Navi face-palmed.

**Chapter 1 end!**

What did you think? Better than Chapter 1? Worse? Remember constructive criticism is my friend.


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